Of all the things I have seen 
in this lifetime
There is only one thing 
that I'd do anything to see again.
I want to see you.
Really see you.
See your eyes as they look into mine,
a deep green, like the sea.
I want to see the look on your face 
as I kiss your nose
your hand
your cheek.
I want to see your smile
as I walk towards you 
into your open arms;
that smile brightens my day. 
I want to see the scars 
that trail up your arms
like branches,
the ones you said were caused 
by a fourwheeler accident,
when me and you both know 
it was from the silver blade
you had held in your hand 
so many times before.

I remember the night you called me
begging me to stop
begging me to go away
telling me you had lost enough blood
for one night.
I wish I could have seen your tears 
and taken away your pain.
I wish you didn't walk away.
I wish I had the courage 
to scream at you 
and hurt you 
like you hurt me. 
I wish I had the strength 
to just kill myself already
and write you a note 
explaining that you're the reason 
why I am like this.
The reason why I hate myself.
The reason I want to die.
I wish you were here
so I could tell you I love you 
one last time.
I wish you could hold me 
and tell me everything will be okay. 
But you won't, and I'll never ask.
I wish you weren't happy. 
I wish that you could understand.
I wish that you knew.
I wish that I did, too.