"I went outside without makeup today"
I am here. In this second. Without beige and honey paint stroke
Bare boned flesh in disguise, hidden behind deliberate smoke
Crackle peach lips, scar hips, skin ripped
She lies in blood and dirt in my finger tips clipped
So short so that I cannot cause harm
But mind is smart and hands are linked to my forearms
Strong, stronger than intentions
And each day in the mirror is a fruitless intervention
Because the only apples gained off this tree
Are as red as the blood of my legs to the sangria of my cheeks
I can't count the caverns of rust
the canopies of tears
But I can count how long it's lasted,
In months and in those years
Unaware of bare bodied purity
Undiseased by victims shears
Where we cut away the clothes that hide us
From our devilish fears
And I am here. In this moment. And snake tongue quick pinches won't quit
It’s hard to show your hands when they reek of desperation. Of Devil-May-Care shit.
And I’m trying to tell you something that words will never define
How it feels to live in a body that can’t be, that won’t be; mine.
And I want to sound poetic, I want to have your ear
I want to say something beautiful, that you’ll remember in a few years
But It’s hard to imagine lovely, when I’m forced to accept my fears.
Yes I'm planted at the doorstep, and I can see deep inside
There's abscess and starved carcass in the depths of my hopeles mind.