I wake up praying I don't & I fall asleep praying I won't awake .
I go to sleep to dream and I wake to forget .
I talk only to mitigate in silence
I keep breathing to tell myself its still there .
I spend days Hoping my ribs are crushed just so the midday air can rupture my lungs
I spend nights fueling bonfires with portraits and music sheets & lyrics I already sung
I spend 9ams figuring out that fear slept with me and I am pregnant with doubt
& & i spend 10am w/ bed side prayers whimpering what life's about
11am consisted of blame marching at my door
12 pm anticipation barking about how productivity is poor
1 pm boiled down to anger in a cage fight with hate
2 pm hunger stabs my stomach with shit that Could be late
3 pm the fan feels like heavy breaths of the wolf blowing my house down
4 pm confidence convicted not guilty , not tried - never found
5pm tightened hands lightened chest - juggle acceptance and glares and glances
6pm scatter opportunity , forget the hope , scratch out all the chances
7pm walk the lines between too old too young too stupid too naive
8pm weave between the nightmares & dreams no false soul would ever believe
9pm shower over forgotten blessings , let them drain away as u brush miracles u never reviewed
10pm dry up tears & blood & years soon forgotten by everyone you knew
11pm mirror mirror on the wall why am I even here at all ? Mirror mirror shatter to blades
death is upon me let my life fade
12am oh its so late but u might as well See if God is still awake
 see if faith & love is all but broken , see if mothers lap is still open , see if your lungs Are ruptured see if UR ribs all crushed
see When breathing becomes too much
use your fingertips , use a mirror , use a paintbrush                                                           to show yourself , to reveal yourself - to believe in your true self .