Sometimes I still hear you
Your feet whispering on the carpet
Treading softly so that you didn’t wake anyone
You always woke me
I never wanted to miss a moment with you
I can still remember
The soft gravelly tones of your voice
As you whispered secrets to me
Before we were anything besides the best friends in the world
I remember
The way your mouth would twitch
Right before you were about to cheat at cards
I always caught you
And you never knew how
I always won
You let me win every time
I remember
How you couldn’t tie a tie
And ran to your mother whenever you needed one
I remember when you ran to me instead for the first time
I remember our first kiss
When you were dared, and couldn’t back down
Only eight years old
A quick peck on the cheek
And honor was satisfied
I remember
The other first one
Right after you asked me out
A slow gentle one
And how you whispered afterwards
That you’d been wanting to do that for a long time
I remember
How I’d been thinking the same thing
I remember
When we first shifted from best friends
Who would take on the world together
To a couple
We’d last forever
Conquering together
I remember
Everyday that we did
Everyday that you survived
Stealing just a little more time
Just in case you’d forgotten to tell me you loved me
I remember how you never did
I remember
How afraid you were of the dark
And of silence
We’d talk for hours
And have music on all the time
With a special night light
So you’d never have to be afraid
Not here
I still leave it on
Because now it reminds me of you
I remember
How devastated you were
When we found out
That we couldn’t have kids
Just in case
They would have to struggle as much as you
I remember
Thinking how glad I was
That your parents took the risk
Even though they lost
I remember having you
I remember
How you wouldn’t take the risk
And I said we could adopt
So we did
The most beautiful baby girl
And then another boy
Were ours
I remember how you wouldn’t tell them
And were strong for them
A giant who never failed
To be there
I remember how much pain you felt
But would never show for them
I saw it all
I remember
Raising those kids together
And knowing how hard you were trying
To just stay and be alive
You made it long enough
To watch them both get married
I remember
Being in awe
As to how long you could survive
Just for the people you loved
I remember
Loving you more for it
I remember how we fought
Wild screaming matches
That always ended in laughter
Because after the kids were here
Our screams were actually whispers
So that we wouldn’t scare the kids
I remember
Being so angry with you when I was away
And forgetting what we it was about
As soon as I saw you again
I remember
Those very last days
When you’d disappear for hours
When I asked you where you went
You said I’d find out later
And I did
After you were gone
I remember
Going on a walk
My face streaming with tears
Remembering
A thousand little things
I remember finding our bench
The one you’d built 30 years before
A cocky little eighth grader
You annoyed me so much that year
But you built me a bench anyways
Because I’d always said I wanted one
I remember sitting there
Wishing for you to be with me
Just one more time
I remember laying down
And looking up
I remember
Catching my breath
My heart stopping
And beginning again
Because you’d made a little roof
And pasted pictures of us
On the entire thing
I remember looking around
Because I could've sworn you were laughing at me
For beating me at being there
I remember
How your very last words
Were
I Love You
I remember
How as soon as I saw those pictures
I realized just how much you really did
I still remember that
I still
Love you
I wish you were here
I remember when you were
I’ll never forget you.