I Never Knew

 

I know this is a common phrase by people like me

But

I never knew

 

You should have told me

You could have trusted me

You could have told anyone

But I guess if you couldn’t trust me than you couldn’t trust anyone

 

If you had just to told me I could have found help

I really could have

I don’t think I can live without you

I thought you’d be the one

But that night

That dreadful night

On January twenty-three 2014 you decided you had had enough

You took the permanent way out of the solution

I can’t have you back

I don’t know if I can live without you

You were the one I would have chosen

But you didn’t trust me enough

Why didn’t you wait one more day

One more day till I had gotten up the courage to ask

I could have saved you with four words

But I was too late

Will you marry me

That’s all I had to say

And if you had said yes

We could be together

 

I don’t think I can take it

This emptiness and sorrow

Greif

You were the only one I loved

The only one I could love

The only one I thought loved me

But I guess if you’re selfish enough to take your own life

Than I couldn’t have married you

 

And if you can’t be here and I can’t be with you

Oh I don’t know if I could do it

Well it’s the only way

Kate it’s the only way we can be together

I don’t want to do it

But I guess if you can be that selfish

Than I’ll have to be selfish to

 

Dear

Mom,

I can’t take it anymore

I can’t get her out of my head

And if I can’t be with her

The one I love

Than what’s the use of breathing

I want to be with Kate

And if she can be that selfish to make me do this

Than I guess I have to be just as selfish to do it to you

I love you mom

I really do

But I have to be with her

So I know I’m doing the meanest thing I have ever done to you

And I’m sorry

I really am

But when I’m gone

You can’t do what I did

Please don’t

Stay strong

I love you

Your loving son

James