it's hard

i guess,

to explain.

it's hard to articulate.

being,, close

to the right people.

i breathe him in. his neck. his shirt. the way the cloth feels against me, the worn fabric soft to the touch.

the way his skin feels on mine. i lightly brush my fingers against his cheek and feel him underneath me.

there's a closeness here. there's a peace here. i can’t explain.

in mindfulness and in breathing, there's a type of calm that pervades emotions, senses.

it's dark.

i want to be closer, even closer. i want to lie here with him forever and breathe like this forever.

there's a connection here. we’re here.

i breathe him in again. his smell. like home.

one could never understand how much i need his smell.

sharpie smells like potent air. gasoline, of a soul. smoke like,,

a harm,

and everything that entails.

but him?

no.

he is home. he is everywhere i want to be. everything i want here. the air i want to breathe. i want to lie here and breathe in him forever because during all the chaos in my life, i finally have something constant. something plain, simple to understand. something amazing.

i can smell him and he smells wonderful.

isn't that amazing.

not a question so much as me speaking.

i wonder if i said it out loud or not.

it's odd to have to put a feeling into words, but if i really had to, i'd say that i feel like how he smells.

and,

really,,

that would be all the description needed.

i nuzzle into his neck and press my lips against him. his arm shifts and i smile noticeably into his neck. i breathe again and move slightly before falling asleep.

i feel like how he smells.