Sometimes I feel like I have to hold

my breath around you

and tiptoe everywhere I go.

I have to brace myself

when I wake you up in the morning

for the first fight of every day.

 

The last fight of every day

is when you don’t want to hold

me since I wouldn’t make love at 3 in the morning.

I swear I love you

more than I even love myself

but sometimes I think about what it would be like to go.

 

What if, that first date, I didn’t go?

Would we still be here today?

I hate myself

for doubting us, but something hold

me back form you now.

Maybe it was the other morning.

 

The morning

you told me to go.

That you didn’t see a future with me and you

but only because you live day to day.

I saw a future where you hold

Me every night. Now I see one by myself.

 

I don’t want to be by myself.

I want to wake up next to you every morning

but I keep holding

onto these doubts and they won’t go

away. Not even for a day.

But I promise I still want you.

 

All I want is to be with you.

I think I’m scared of myself,

of going a day

alone. Of waking up one morning

and you’re gone. But if I go

first, I won’t get hurt. No, hold

 

on. You are my life. A morning

without you is a morning I let myself go.

The day you leave is the day I hold a gun to my head and shoot.

 

4-6-2018