Coy, bashful, shy, a loner, that's how was I before I knew you

After we told our truths I was unsure but ecstatic

I felt myself wanting to jump with glee but if I knew what was to come I never would’ve gotten to that place

The feeling I couldn’t explain started to fill inside my chest

This feeling felt like sunshine but then it changed 

This feeling…

Was it love, infatuation, loneliness, or maybe just feeling you were absent

When I received your messages I would become giddy and high on my emotions

A part of me still felt like you were never there

Right when I felt safe you paralized me

I felt stuck in the dark hole 

The hole of hurt and pain

The manipulation and tricks you played left a void inside me

The feeling of worthlessness suffocated me

My regret and anger from your lies and deceit smothered me

Without you I was misplaced, invisible, unseen, concealed

I wore a mask with forged and animated bubble headed laughter

Uncertainty and suffering came naturally with the tears

Down the line content, real laughter and smiles came back

The lonesomeness and headache come back occasionally

But I’m grateful to not be living in seclusion with my thoughts and that voice of yours whispering in my ear, and your shadow looking over my shoulder

I’ve grown

That was my past but now I have to look ahead to the future

I look for the sunshine