I Heard You're Claustrophobic
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So I heard you’re claustrophobic
That you turned yourself into Peter Pan’s worst nightmare
sentient shadow no one can find
That must be pinned and confined
Caught so they can bind you to
Everything they think you should be
that you haunt corners and crevices
Much too small for your spirit
that you can’t breathe
I heard you’ve learned to be flexible
To bend the way they tell you
Cause you’re always enclosed inside four wants
Societies
Your families
Your friends
And yours
Yours is the bottom of the totem pole
And you’re constantly hoping no one looks down
some friends and some family push in from the sides
so tight
They almost suffocate you
And if you look up you can see society
Looking down
You’re brown boxed so tight
the perfect package
with a surprise inside
And you can’t breathe
I’m no paper bag
I’m no inhaler
And I heard it wasn’t quite safe for you to inhale anyway
cause the world has failed you in a way
And that’s something we can vibe on
I’m not in a closet
But I know what its like to consider not breathing
Because the world makes you believe you don’t deserve air
It isn’t fair that people who are afraid of your brilliance
don’t care that you’re afraid of tight spaces
haven’t they heard that you are claustrophobic
cause I heard you screaming for oxygen
I heard you crying for O2
I heard you
And I reached out
ready to turn locks
and smother you in acceptance
watch you choke on love instead stale air
but I know what you really need is space
a safe open space
to unlock your door yourself
when you do
It will be an honor to meet you
Comments
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lockhart
Wow. Everything about this a great and true. I love your Peter Pan metaphor, I love the center of the page format (it definitely establishes the feeling of being squeezed in and claustrophobic). Claustrophobia is a perfect way to describe the feeling of expectations, whether they're real or only imagined, closing in on you. Even to this day whenever I go up to see my grandparents or even talk to my own parents, I feel a certain level of discomfort: I feel like I'm being squeezed in and can't breathe, because all I want to do is tell them EVERYTHING about ME, the REAL ME, including but not only my sexuality, but I'm too afraid. I definitely don't come from the type of family that likes to express emotions or deep thoughts much and everyone's pretty religious so I never know what's expected of me and who I'm supposed to be around my family and I realize it's all mostly my own anxiety but it's also kind of society's fault too that I feel like I need to figure out who my family, my own family, wants me to be and then to be it.
Anyway, I love your writing SO MUCH. So...yeah. Bye.