I Don't Want To Think About You

I don't want to think about your huskey voice, 

I don't want to think about the way you laughed,

I don't want to think about everything I loved about you. 

I can't sit here and pretend that it didn't hurt when you left,

I can't pretend that there's no hope in my heart when I hear your name,

 I can't pretend that it doesn't bother me that I have to live without you.

I lay here as I wait for sleep to accompany me, and you invade my thoughts. I broke your trust and you broke my heart, but I was only trying to save you the heavy guilt. I was depressed, I didn't want you to blame yourself after all that you had done for me. I miss you. Of course you know that, and maybe you don't feel the same, but I can't shrug off the depression without you. All I can think about is that brokenness that you won't let me fix, of the shattered fragments of your trust mixed with my heart that was swept into a corner by you. I don't know if you think of me, but I assume you don't. Why would you? I wish I could talk to you and see how you are and hear it from you, not some mutual friend. I wish I could tell you about my new car and my school and where I'm headed.  I wish that I wasn't cut off from you.  I wish you'd give me another chance to prove to you that I am trustworthy.  I wish you could see this, but I know that even if you did, your comments would be as empty as this feeling in my heart. I'm sorry.

I wish I didn't think of you non stop, as though my heart needn't heal.

I wish I didn't think about you because,

I Don't Want to Think About You.


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