I didn't wake up like this.

I hit my snooze button three times this morning,

sleepy sluggish fingers slapping at my phone.

I didn't wake up like this: 

dry eyes and clear skin, thick lashes, teeth like precious stones

with breakfast on the table and my apron-clad mom pouring coffee for dad and juice for the girls, our golden retriever lazing greedily in the sunny spring day pouring through the bay window.

I didn't wake up like this:

being kissed by my chiseled lover, the first and only man I've ever loved or known, as he pushes my hair back in wisps behind my ear and whispers the warmth of the sunny spring day into my morning.

And I didn't wake up like this, at least,

I didn't wake up like this today

ribs bruised bones weak body spent, every breath a warning
penny blood taste pick yourself up and run,
you don't deserve to sleep right now, you have calories to burn
and we both know what happens when I catch you not performing

wrists wrapped mind weak blood spent, empty stomach churning
penny blood stain you know that's going to scar
go on and pull the stitches out and this time press down hard
You know I'm tired of waking up, I'm tired of returning.

And I did wake up like this today,

#nomakeup, no bracelets, no sleeves; 
honest in my ownership of who I'd like to be