I Can Only Hate Myself So Much


Life's piling?
Heh, yeah that's an understatement.
What the hell did I do in life
to be forced to make this payment?
First things first,
I joined the service right outta school.
Most people said I was crazy,
A stupid fool.
A couple weeks in
I had a bad scare
When I jumped down high
and heard my ACL tear.
I got sent home
oh my god, why me?
But I couldn't take the pain...
felt like the only one who didn't graduate
from my battery
was me.
Next thing, well..
I got rejected from university
Something that should be available
for ever class, rank, and ethnicity.
I'm stuck at home
I break up with my guy
I found someone new,
Someone who thinks I'm worth their time.
Every day now
I get a call from the ex
saying he's sorry, he's this, he's that
What did I expect?
But I was never prepared
For what he said today
"You'll be miserable if I don't disappear,
and I'll leave in my own way."
When I asked him what he meant
he said he was going to take his life.
He had nothing to live for
But the edge of a steel knife.
No, please don't go
Not like this
No one deserves to die
everyone can find bliss.
"Then," he started 
with a sob in his throat
"get back with me, we can move on together."
We were obviously not in the same boat.
After hours on the phone
He finally calms down
But tells me I don't understand
That I didn't listen to a sound.
He hangs up,
tells me to get some sleep.
But what the hell am I supposed to do?
My life's a fucking heap.

I don't know.



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