I am fat.

I’m not skinny, I’m not ‘chubby’.

I am fat.

It’s hard to admit, because it’s hard to agree

when we see ourselves as someone we don’t want to be.

I don’t want to be fat,

I don’t want to be thin,

I just want to love my self once again.

I don’t know how it happened,

Well, actually, I do,

And from it I have a cautionary tale for you:

 

Love who you are,

Say what you feel,

Because otherwise you’ll find yourself under the heel

Of a giant who gnashes and crashes his teeth

His name is ED

And he makes you want to never eat.

 

I struggled with this giant up on my back,

until I was ready to stab myself -- with a tack.

I saw suicide as my way out, but it wasn’t me

A time in the hospital was not like TV.

I was terribly scared of myself of what I might say,

and even today,

I worry everyday.

 

I am fat,

I am F - A - T

And I just want to let it be.

I’m getting better, I’m working hard,

but anxiety and depression make it like sprinting 700 yards.

 

You want to get skinny, but have no motivation,

So instead you go for food deprivation.

You look so composed on the outside,

But people can’t see the cracks on the inside.

 

I’ve come to you now to say who I am --

I am not a label,

Of them I’m not a fan.

We label ourselves so often we do,

“Ugly”, “Skinny”, but we’re all human too.

We were made to be different, to look differently,

So why is it so hard for me

To accept my failures and shortcomings --

Because I know it’s fast approaching

 

I must look above this all, however,

Unless I want to be sucked under.

Again and again, I struggle with:

Who am I

And who will I be?