I Am Different


United States
39° 20' 1.536" N, 84° 14' 18.3012" W

I was born into a world
Where people judge.
A world where people can't
Really ever be themselves.
And those who are different,
Are prosecuted with no regard.
The trials happen so fast,
I can't keep up.

The first time,
I still remember...
Swinging with my friends
on the elementary play ground.
No worries, no cares.
The big bad bully boy comes up,
Casts a shadow on my arm and says,
'Ew, look! You're black.'
Wait, no, no. I'm not.

I'm tan. I'm tan.
My daddy is Malay.
That's why.
I'm not black.

I tell them again and again.
But, they don't listen.
Because I'm different.

Later, still different.
Cliques of popular girls,
blond hair, blue eyes.
We're barely 11 and they already
Stuff their bras to be 'pretty'.

Caked on makeup,
Hair colored up all crazy.
That's what the world is.
That's what I should be.

So I try it.
I spread it on thick.
Raccoon eyeliner,
Thick red lipgloss.
I feel pretty.

'Hey! Go back to the circus! Stupid clown girl!'
Nope, not this time.
I can't be pretty.
I'm still different.

Years and I'm in high school.
Drama, so thick you can taste the desperation in the air.
Walking through the halls,
Head low, hair covers my face.
I don't want to be seen,
Never ever.
Cuz they'll see.
And they'll just remind me,
I'm different.

But, I don't need a reminder.
It's written on my arms.
In silent nights spent with the blade.
My memories drip down my arm.

So messed up.
So messed up.

It's so messed up, that a girl can't be herself.
A girl can't be her own shade of brown, in the so called 'free country'.
It's so messed up that little girls will kick her out the group just because her eyes aren't like theirs.
It's so sick that a world sends someone into turmoil.
Pain and agony so unbearable,
she writes the lies on her arms.

But, I told you. I am different.

I wrote the lies on my arms.
I quenched the anarchist's thirst for blood.
And I believed.
I believed in a world that didn't matter anymore.
I believed in a place where I could be any color I want.
I believed in a God that brought me out of the darkness.
I was made new.
Made new in a broken world.

Because I Am Different.


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