Today's teen girl wears yoga pants and scarves

"One PSL to go, no whip, low fat,

Take a selfie for the road, no filter, #blessed

Ugh, I look so rough, #diealonewithcats"

Girl, understand, your bf will call you back

Yes, we totes love your gel nails in black

But you're, like, totally, the definition

Of #firstworldprobs dominating the nation

 

Jay-rot-see cadet, how do your BDU's treat ya?

Annual weapons training already coming at ya

About face, present arms, order arms, attention

This is all great, but just what is your mission?

How does it benefit you and your nation

To spend your time putting your brass into position?

I'm just saying, you graduate next year,

Unless you join up, wasted time is what I fear

 

Hello random horse girl

Messy braid and callused hands

It's a rough world

Train horses, fight the land

When your favorite horse dumps you in the mud

Surely you wonder in that hour

Is this animal worth the sweat, tears, and blood?

Or should you throw in the towel, and actually take a shower?

 

Geek, oh, lonely little geek

You have no idea what it is to be on fleek

Your walls are plastered with posters, yes they are

But they're maps and aliens, instead of movie stars

You watch tons of TV shows, that's how you get your fun

Which is why your skin has never seen the sun

You laugh at memes, you create silly gifs

And stay in with Netflix instead of watching the eclipse

 

Professional girl, with your hair in a bun

You look smart, like you know a ton

You're cool, and calm, ready for an interview

And public speaking is clearly nothing new

But underneath, you don't have it all together

Your opinion, so firmly stated, is as changeable as the weather

And smart? No, you left your brain at home

You can fake it though, you'll make it, you hope

 

Now, before you get all upset

And fly to correct me on a supersonic jet

Know that it's not you that I'm tearing apart

These are the questions I ask myself in my heart

All of those girls, they are a picture of me

And somehow I hope they will combine into a lady

I'm aware of the hilarity of this combination

And I write this to laugh at the apparent contradictions.

 

None of those people is entirely perfect

Nor is the person that is the final composite

But I can laugh at myself, and I hope you will too

At the foibles that are part of this American youth

Because silly as each of those people are

They form the foundation of a sincere heart

I hope to serve God, family, and country well

As each facet of my personality will tell