How You Nearly Lost Him

His blood stains your face. 


Red streaking down in beautiful, elegant drops.


It feels as if time slows and the world has stopped,

his body jolting with the force of the bullet

tearing through his shoulder like a knife through butter.


His face, oh god his face.


The pain must not have set in. 


He looks so, so confused. 


He sees the blood on your face;

It looks like you were the injured one.


Then his legs collapse.


He lets out a simple groan,

still unable to feel pain through the shock.


You stare at him on the ground,

watching his blood pooling from the wound.


You feel hands from behind you grab your body,

shoving you to the ground. 


Time makes itself known all too fast,

more gunshots ringing from the sky.


You were inches away from having his fate.


You see him from across the street;

eyes locked as is the few feet separating you was miles.


His eyes flutter closed.


Your heart breaks with it.



Lexi S.

The tone is full of fear and anticipation of what is going to happen next. This poem gave me a mix of emotions, the majority being sadness and fear. The phrase that I find the most striking is, "his body jolting with the force of the bullet." It paints a picture in my mind, and suddenly I am standing there watching it all happen. All of the senteces seem to help the flow of the story, nothing seems really out of place. The amount of breaks in this poem might be a little extreme. I think ou could do with a few less, but keep enough to help add that punch of emotion and movement of time. The arrangment makes sense and comes across clearly. This poem is great, the amount of imagery and emotion you poured into this is fantastic 


The imagery is strong throughout most of the poem so that I can see what is 

happening in my mind. Some bits are a little confusing though. Like when the 

character is pushed to the ground, I'm not sure how that happened. Also, the bit

where you see someone across the street is a little unclear. Those few troublespots 

make me lose sight of the image but it comes back very quickly after. I like the use

of second person to help you feel more connected to it, very creative. Overall, a very 

good poem and it's just those small confusing bits that need some looking at.

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