If my mistakes were counted my vision or rather perception of forgiveness and even self-forgiveness would be distorted and blured. How could I even want to look at myself in the mirror if I can't see myself. My flesh is pleased in it's desires of women , clothes, and applause by the eyes of one  who has less than what I have on. While my soul is in discomfort due to the constant wearing of a cloak made up of guilt and shame. I can't let family see me like this,  I can't let Him come back and I go home like this. I'll guess I'll hide.  I'll hide and so no one will see me, people may see the material gain but not me.  No not me. If they saw me they would see a one eyed insane psychotic Cyclops. In constant fear of me because my soul is not who I AM is. Insanity because of constant indulging of infliction on myself.  Psychotic due to the impair or imperfection of myself resulting in loss of contact with the reality of self not externally but internally. Cyclops because of my one perception of self of the moment. So I hide from humanity by hiding behind creation. Turning fig leaves into clothes just like my father Adam to hide shame and guilt. But in the same way I'm called out by Him in saying "Where are you". I'm called out to the open circle where The Light is.  Everything on display where everybody can see my shame, guilt,  pain, and where I've accompanied misery. But here I expect condemnation, damnation, criticism, finger pointing, and whisperings of I told you sos. But yet here in my Kadesh, my low pace of separation,  my deserted land I was spoken to tenderly. I recieved my sight again such as a Saul who became Paul . Insanity and a psychotic mind became a sound mind as king Nebuchadnezzar.  A new pair of clothes like Joshua the high priest.  Receiving mercy like Jonah and the city Nineveh. A second chance at life, a new life like Lazarus. And a Savior to seek and follow as a son and father. Seeking.  Seeking.  Seeking.  Seeking is what I'm doing and speaking. Forgiveness is clutched and sin forsaken and no longer dreading for sins reaping.  I know I AM so I now know who I am. No longer do I hide but seek. Blind but now I see. Slaved but now I'm free. Crowned with royalty of the King. Chasing after His heart but don't call me David because I know who I am. I seeking the Great I AM because I'm great in I AM.