I'm the helper.

Thats the role I play in society.

I'm the type of person who puts others before herself,

Who keeps the peace,

Who meets others expectations,

Whos one job is to keep everybody else happy.

Even at her own expense.

I wear a smile when others frown.

Help others swim as i slowly drown.

I print labels and stick them on my body so people know what to expect of me.

And trust me i know what's expected of me.

Im supposed to bring sunshine to others lives

Even as mine collects gray clouds.

Im supposed to be positive and happy,

Im supposed to think how others want, look how others want, be who others want,

And somewhere in this cycle of pleasing others.

I forgot myself.

Forgot that above everything and everyone else 

The one person I should really be pleasing is me.

But i don't know how to anymore.

I've only ever been the helper.

The expectations I strived to meet where never my own.

If i were to strip away the colors society has painted me,

Who would I be?

What do I want?

How do i pull the cobwebs of my conscience and learn to grow separately?

How do i know which thoughts are my own and not what this world taught me to be?

Am i even my own person?

All i know is that the toxic lies i’ve been force-fed are catching in my throat.

And the bitter words I swallow down are causing me to choke.

That the tears i worked so hard to control are breaking through the dawn of my smile.

I may not know who I am, but i know i'm not this

And I refuse to be the good girl

To be the one who always plays by the rules

To hide myself because i don't meet society's norms.

It's high time I stopped trying to squeeze my body into molds i've long since outgrown.

Society i am NOT your little angel anymore.