Why do I try so hard to be heard?

And yet I speak so quietly that it is inevitable for everyone to disregard my presents

So easy to ignore me

Impossible for you to adore me or anything that I do

Respect me for who I am as a person

Allow me to think my own thoughts

Make my own mistakes

Have my own beliefs

“You are a child”

No I am a young adult on the verge of something ambitious

On my way out of this house and into the world

I write because I cannot speak

Because my keyboard has become this place where I can bare my hampered soul

Because my fingers, they twitch when they know I have something to say

Whether I it be for you or them, or no one but myself

When I look you in the eyes I loose my words

I loose my thoughts

Myself

My mind

You startle me, you intimidate me, you question me

I close my mouth and watch you look down on me

W\With all your hopes and great expectations

On how I should be

On how I could be

But never how I am I

am only human

I am lost

I am unheard of

I am ungrateful

I am driven by my obsession to be more than average

The obsession you forced upon me

Know I am so attached to it that I am mortified by it

I have no words to explain how I feel about you

How I feel about you pressuring  me

Pushing me

So far and hard that I rose to the top of every mind boggling expectation

Here I am with good grades, a clear head, and food to eat

You work hard five days a week for 12 long hours

You are the only person that I can depend on

That I can count on

So I suppose it’s okay for you to beat me down,  just to build me up

Challenge me

Make me work hard, and study hard

“You are a child”

No I am your child but I am a young adult that is trying desperately to find their voice

You tell me to speak up

Don’t hold your tongue, it only holds you down

You are right, you always are and I hear you

I am ungrateful of you, I am a small piece of your struggle

And you are trumpet

So when I walk down the hall and your eyes lock on mine

I will allow myself to loose my only words

My soft voice

My distant thoughts

Out of complete and utter respect

For you

 

Mother