on growing up: a small tangent.
Here I am.
grass tickles my legs
i breathe in the sweet air
bliss after an eternity in the classroom
in my periphery
classmates yell and chase each other
discharging pent-up energy
if I head east I’ll find myself in a circle of girls playing patty cake
southwards there are others making small talk
a feathery smile brushes the corners of my lips
as I realize
usually, junior-year me would join them
but today I just sit here.
not because
i don’t fit into any of these crowds
but because
i choose not to be a part of them.
in this instant
the candle of my childhood is relit
wax melting into puddles of imagination
air filling with the smell of carefree delight
this moment brings it all back.
while my peers are caught up in each other and their wordly drama
peace radiates off my body
it spills into my brain
everyone’s conversations crowd the airspace
trying to catch a radio wave
my music blurs them all out
i once hated that sequence of chords
but memories of That October no longer faze me
they linger but
now the music holds a fresh promise
of record playing and rosy sunsets
soft lights and cozy blankets
i usually blow out the worn candle
lest it mix with the shiny notes in the air
but today, I let it burn
while the warbling soliloquy serenades my audience of one
aromatic cacophony
forms a bubble around me
my ethereal, observant, pure self from third grade
finally reconciles with who I am now
the purely aesthetic girl with abundant friendships and
a greater abundance of failures
some things have always been the same between us
the constant tide of music
my half moon smile
even though that music has diverged from my youth
and I smile for different reasons
the core of my being remains,
unchanged
usually, I hate the person that has come out of all these years
shallow
vapid
garrulous
but as the words to this song
emerge from my mouth and take flight
joining the noise that already surrounds me
i know
my virtues haven’t totally vanished after all.