The girl on the inside

I feel her

after every meal, every snack, every tratorious look at anything sweet

Sometimes she can get to angry

Her hand reaching up and grabbing mine

her screams escaping along with my lunch that day

I just ate one cookie, "im sorry" but her voice pounds in my head

Was that necessary!?  The only thing you gained was pounds, don't you see!?

You disgusting creature, do you not know of self control?

But both of us know the answer to that

Although I hate her, I am thankful for her

Another way out, ya know

It's okay to eat this dessert now, for it will no longer be with me tomorrow

I tell myself it's just until i lose 10 pounds, then i can stop

15 pounds later I realize stopping was never an option

she won't let me

I hate her

At least she is honest though

She shows me the truth about myself, what no one else has the heart to tell me

Sometimes I can see her in the mirror

she is a shaky little girl, wild eyes, blonde hair

i feel her cold hands as she grabs the extra skin the barely lays over my jeans

This will be gone soon, I promise, she assures me.

I almost got rid of her once,

I told my friends my problem and went and got help

I was so close, so close

but it wasn't until she had trapped me in my closet

with the goodbye video freshly made, the tears drowning my confidence

And the bottle of expired pills downstairs

But she saved me

Her voice coxed me to sleep

That’s when i realized

i will never get rid of her

not as long as I want to value my life

So we made a deal

I stay alive, and so does she


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