The girl on the inside
I feel her
after every meal, every snack, every tratorious look at anything sweet
Sometimes she can get to angry
Her hand reaching up and grabbing mine
her screams escaping along with my lunch that day
I just ate one cookie, "im sorry" but her voice pounds in my head
Was that necessary!? The only thing you gained was pounds, don't you see!?
You disgusting creature, do you not know of self control?
But both of us know the answer to that
Although I hate her, I am thankful for her
Another way out, ya know
It's okay to eat this dessert now, for it will no longer be with me tomorrow
I tell myself it's just until i lose 10 pounds, then i can stop
15 pounds later I realize stopping was never an option
she won't let me
I hate her
At least she is honest though
She shows me the truth about myself, what no one else has the heart to tell me
Sometimes I can see her in the mirror
she is a shaky little girl, wild eyes, blonde hair
i feel her cold hands as she grabs the extra skin the barely lays over my jeans
This will be gone soon, I promise, she assures me.
I almost got rid of her once,
I told my friends my problem and went and got help
I was so close, so close
but it wasn't until she had trapped me in my closet
with the goodbye video freshly made, the tears drowning my confidence
And the bottle of expired pills downstairs
But she saved me
Her voice coxed me to sleep
That’s when i realized
i will never get rid of her
not as long as I want to value my life
So we made a deal
I stay alive, and so does she