at the end of it all you told me i wasnt gay enough

like the nights i dedicated to you weren't real enough?

all the times i swooned for you, all the times i grew for you

it just took time for me to adjust

 

i drove to bellevue with a couple of friends

to discover how i could love you better in bed

to make it so you didnt hate youself, debate yourself

so you could see how beautiful i saw you instead

 

i think that we both were so desperate to be wanted and loved

that we ignored true facts and focused on the crush and our lust

so when you wrote that you loved me, without really knowing me

i just knew it wasnt truly real enough

 

you constantly wanted me to prove myself

and i did willingly because i wanted to excel

all your expecations, that werent really expectations 

because you never told me, i had to assume out the hell

 

you emailed me 4 days ago asking to talk

you said you missed me and it felt all types of wrong

but im better now, got a lover now

who kisses with their eyes closed and knows jazz songs

 

i moved on

because you moved on

and i didnt quite get it at first

so you introduced me to your friend

and he called me beautiful after you broke it off

like it was supposed to reedem the blow of you being to scared to tell me yourself

that i was no longer what you needed 

no longer what you craved

you werent brave

you shouldve saved

all your time and bullshit for someone 

that was truly gay.