It seems like no matter what I do, I always go back.

I go back and it doesn't matter what I've done

Back to the same thing, the same time

You would think I've learned my lesson on this,

But get sucked back into it's grasp.

It's like a drug I can't live without

Even though it's killing me inside.

It's clawing it's way into my heart,

My thoughts,

My lungs,

My soul.

 

To keep myself alive I ran,

Ran as far and as fast as I could,

But then I stopped, turned around, and ran back

There was no point to me leaving,

It just stayed with me and reminded me of what I had.

What I had was broken glass

That was used to split my heart open

And give me scars on my shadows.

What I had was a foggy dream

Of something out on the horizon,

Seeming so close,

Just right there,

Just a little further.

What I had was something that was a slow poison

That runs in my blood

Something that kills,

Making it hard to breath,

To think

To laugh

To love.

 

I stop to take a breath,

Limbs clothed in shame

Worn all the time.

No power to stop this madness,

All efforts tried.

In this solitude

The corners whisper what I don't have,

What I can't live without

What I need to obtain it again.

My efforts have no life,

Have no thoughts,

Have no purpose,

No love for myself.

Never good enough

The way I am

No one loves you,

No one wants you,

No one needs you,

No one will miss you.

 

I look over the horizon,

Feel sunshine,

The world awake around me.

I shiver from the ice in my soul,

I shake from the fear of being alone.

Knife plunged into the ground,

No trust in myself to hold onto

Something that will make me go crazy,

Reminding me of the person

I was trying to leave behind.

 

Who is this?

What is killing me?

What do I wanna get away from?

Who hurt me?

Who killed me?

Who wants me dead?

Who needs my blood?

Who wanted me dead a long time ago?

Who wants this suffering to end?

Who wants this addiction to end?

Who wants me gone?

Who needs me?

Who wants me for me?

What will I do?

What can I do?

What does this mean?

Who is this?

 

The person that wants me dead,

That wants me to go back

When I just escaped,

The one that doesn't want me,

That doesn't need me,

That can't live without him,

That can't live without me,

That person…

 

Is me.