fifteen
I can still feel it in the pit of my stomach
The burn of imminent disaster.
The swirl of events that lead to it all
To you
And me
Stuck within the confines of age fifteen
So seemingly beaten down by the world
We couldn't even see ourselves
I sat in a barely put together room
On an air mattress, watching the window
Wondering how I could get to you
Because those nights you said goodbye, you took pieces of me too
You took away at age fifteen the idea that I could save something
I remember thinking that love meant being there
Even when you were setting yourself on fire
When I turned sixteen and you didn’t call
I had charred bones inside my skin
And the weight of medical bills over my head
And the voices of each of your personalities rattling
You cut off blossoms but
Buds grew after some thought and time
Under a different sun
Stole my days but traded them for lessons
I never thought I would need
Like patience is a virtue
But sometimes you have to give up to grow
Sometimes you’ll fall for the same mistakes
With long blonde hair, soft kisses full of lies
I guess she reminded me of you.
It took some time to
Quit taking in smoke and learn to breathe
So this is how I'll thank you
Hoping you’ve grown from this too
That you're happier now
Without my ghost of age fifteen