The Fear of Not Loving Myself
In these moments in life I wonder
What could’ve been?
If it weren’t for how annoying I was
Or the fact that I wasn’t pretty than most girls
I was always the last choice
And if you asked me that day how I was
I would simply just say
“Angry, Upset, and Heartbroken”
Then I would see the tears falling down my cheeks
Finally answering the inavoidable question
“Why wasn’t I good enough?”
I wouldn’t know
Because right now in this moment
I can say that I am just truly thankful for everything
Thank you for leading me on
Thank you for going after one of my friends
A friendship, I thought was true
Thank you for just always being together
Especially when I had to be in the same room
Hated the thought of going to chemistry
Having to hear you
Bragging about all her perfections
Knowing I was there after I confessed my feelings for you
I felt pathetic and used
It took awhile for that feeling to stop
That feeling where you just can’t help and cry
Shutting myseld down
Trying to vanish away from embarrassment
If you asked me again
“Why wasn’t I good enough?”
I finally know what to say
I have no grudges
Or hatred them
Because I am a person who grows up
Into positivity and kindness
Sure I liked him..a lot
But he was happy and I am too
Especially for him
Plus in the end I know that I will fall in love again
I’m 19 years old
A girl who keeps hoping for that someone
to finally come along