I suffer, sudden onset of anxiety

Whenever the spotlight falls to me

 

It causes my breath to catch,

And words to stick in my throat

Desperate to crawl back

To the deep recess of my gut

Where moths

Thousands of nervous wings

Flutter frantically,

Crashing into one another

In a pack of panic and pulchritude,

Desperate for escape,

Obscured within this

Crumpled paper slip;

A delicate chaos.

 

Desperate desires,

Sadistic compulsions,

Push a shaky, sweaty, inarticulate, mess

To the vanguards of performance

 

Targeted by beam of light

With only I in its sights

Broad and blinding

I’m not nearly so bright.

 

Crammed courage in fists,

Strength dripping out in stains of sweat,

Wishing for the anxiety to ease,

Fear is hard to forget.