Fallen Battle
Goodbye to my home
Goodbye to my land
Find the rebellion
Hide from the rising sun
Hide from the falling snow
Try to forget
The image of debris
The strong are gone
The weak have risen
And I am left saying
Goodbye to my home
Goodbye to my land
Comments
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Annette M Velasquez
This is very stark, to the point and with some vivid imagery. Although it is straightforward and clear with a good structure, style and language, I am wanting more... perhaps you could add specific details, narration, add the story of someone who survived this- who are they? man, woman, child? where are they from, Latin America? Africa? The Middle East? You have an excellent basis, elaboration would strengthen this even more...