we accept
the love
we think
we deserve
i had once met a man who told me i was his little girl
he’d open my m&ms
then he’d ruffle my curls before he would go home to a separate bed than my mother’s
i hardly knew him and he was my only one
no other
i had once known a man who would buy me candy
as long as he bought me icees everything was fine and dandy but he was not the man who told me i was his little girl
instead he reminded me that i was a gentle, playful princess
i was rewarded in hotel kingdoms and endless riches in the form of parties
that kept me in his pocket and blind to his blatant deceit
he was not of the land he told me but another
til this day I’m not sure of the lie and stand curious
but i shrug and remember that i am not his little girl so it shouldn’t matter
i had once craved a man who told me i was the greatest thing that ever happened to him
we were young and in love
i gave him all of me that there was to give without the physical or emotional negotiations
so we consisted of after school kisses under the tree
late night texting
later reminded that i could do better so i shattered his heart
the first time
the next five
he shattered mine
six years and me having six lives
i was willing to give up all of them to have him love me the way i loved him
it was the one thing i wanted
yearned for
and occasionally begged
i was weak and promised myself never again
so i stand tall and hit end whenever that man calls
i now love a man who claims to love me
in genesis, we were sweet and passionate kisses in between whispers of tomorrows promises
now his lips stand miles away from me with a twisted tongue
when did it become okay and so easy for the name of love to be slandered?
i hurt you
but it seems for every strike, i suffer five blows
and you can’t even bring yourself to acknowledge or know
i have given myself thrice before and come to see that every man that enters my life has the sole goal of hurting me and succeeded
i believe you to be different because you told me to
but I’m still scathed
you hurt me in every small way
and now i have a gaping hole in the middle of me
you didn’t do it unknowingly
you scar me because you can
does this mean i can finally know that i can acknowledge the phrase ‘trust no man’?
we accept the love we think we deserve
the boy i once craved showed that to be true
so i reject his but i turned to you
was that a mistake?
I’m your first
your only
name dripping from your tongue
your forever

but I’ve been promised that before
so please don’t promise me anymore
I’m tired of being tired
not having a stable shoulder to lean on
i haven’t had one since i was three
which is funny because people always count on me
we accept the love we think we deserve
its obvious i think i deserve shit
but i know i deserve more
are you the one who’s meant to give it to me?

This poem is about: 
Our world
Guide that inspired this poem: 


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