Can I describe to you,

This feeling I feel,

When people are there

But you aren’t

And they laugh and you laugh,

But you aren’t laughing

 

When your chest isn’t there

And your legs feel…

Not

And your joints

Feel pain that isn’t there

 

And your bladder is full but you can’t go,

And you can’t do,

And you can’t see,

And you can’t think,

And you can’t,

You can’t…

Can’t

 

It’s vast, and small, and empty, and…

And

 

It’s a sharp prick behind

Your ribs, and

Words aren’t words

But thoughts that come out

To cover other thoughts

 

And you don’t mean them

But,

You say them because

You should

And because it’s

Expected

 

And because you want to want to,

And you want to care,

And you want to be what

People want

But you aren’t and you

Never are

And you never will be

 

But you make the

Excuse why not to

 

Not to try

Not to feel pain

Not to feel fear

Not to feel sadness

Not to feel like maybe,

 

A car crash wouldn’t

Be so bad

Or an accident

Should happen

Or a knife would feel good

Against bone and

Synapses would dance at this

Feeling of

Relief,

And freedom,

And tears,

And complete

Empty