i do not have an eating disorder. 

i just have a couple social media backup accounts.

one too many.

and the first few posts on the timeline are crazy diets. 

 

lose weight in a week type shit. 

poke at my body in the mirror type shit. 

 

i do not have an obsession. 

i just so happen to have one too many fasting apps,

a diary logging every single calorie

 

i have an impulse of checking the nutrition facts

before even daring to open the package. 

youtube history full of cloe ting workouts and 

“what i eat during restricting” videos,

"the result of fasting for days" videos

i have to clear my history every other day. 

 

i won’t let you swipe through my photos

you just might see one to many pictures

of skinny legs

skinny hands

and collarbones. 

eveything i need to be,

 

skinny models in skintight dresses type shit 

skeleton like fingers type shit,

white girl

hair in bun

she's cold like me,

hasn't seen her period in weeks,

 

and i eat,

of course. to seem normal. 

to not draw any attention to myself 

cause black girls don’t have eating disorders,

i am supposed to be on my second bag of hot fries

instead I’m on my 98th sit-up. 

this ain't for black girls type shit but black girls go through this too.

I’m tired. wheezing even. 

 

standing up to quickly type shit. 

feel like I’m fainting type shit 

 

I’m seeing stars and progress

but it ain’t enough type shit 

it seems to never be enough.