Early Saturday morning.

Early Saturday morning.
The apartment above my “Mr. Rhonda’s Psychic “ shop.
I wake up to Guns N’ Roses’ “Welcome to the Jungle” playing on my Ipod.
I hate that song.
God, do I hate that song.
So it gets the job done, I guess.
It’s better than that alarm clock Ma got me for Christmas.
Ugh, it sounded just like her too.
Maybe that’s why she got it for me.
Whatever. Doesn’t matter no more.
It’s in Jersey somewhere, sitting in some poor man’s junkyard, waiting for-
It is coming.
What was that?!

Ugh. Probably imagined it.

I should probably get dressed, but I don’t know.
“Hey,” I say to myself, “you’re a fortune teller. You’re gonna get more calls than walk-ins anyway. Wear what you what.”
So who cares if I wear a dirty white tee and my orange checkered pants?
Not this fella!
Yep. That’s right.
Suck it conformity.
Suck it real-
It is coming.
Dah- geez!
Goddamnit, there it is again! 
What is-
Oh god. I’m getting a vision.
My stupid goddamn clairvoyance powers are sending me a vision.
I am getting a vision. 
On a Saturday. 
The only time I can get a morning off.
You know what? Screw it.
I’m not gonna listen.
I don’t care.
It’s too early to care.
Besides, there are more important things to attend to…

Ah, Cocoa Puffs!
Who cares if you’re crack for birds?
You delicious, chocolately, melting pot of Mmm!
You even make my sour milk taste so sweet!
Oh, how I love you so-
It is coming.

No. No. No.
You do not do that.
You do not do that, vision.
You do not make me spill my Cocoa Puffs.
On the floor.
Before I eat it.
No one, nobody, gets away with that.
So you know what, pal? You know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna do something bad to you.
Something so bad you ain’t gonna feel your hind for DECADES.
I’m gonna-
It is coming.

You know what?
Fine. Whatever.
I’ll see what you want, Mr. Vision.
I’ll play your game.
So you can GO AWAY, and STAY AWAY, so I can ENJOY. MY SATURDAY.
Let’s do this.

I rush downstairs to the shop.
My handmade sign is missing all the r’s in “Mr. Rhonda’s” and tarot cards are all over the place.
But that’s not important right now.
What’s important is what’s behind the curtain.
I flip the curtain, and rush through the cushiony room, and right to Crystal.
My baby Crystal.
700 dollars, but you were so worth it.
Especially now, since you can make me see my visions better.
You good little girl-
It is coming.
Oh Cryst- I mean- Oh crystal ball, show me the sign.
Show me what’s to come in future time…
It is coming.
I-I feel it.
I feel it coming…
It is coming.
Through the bleakest of night.
An era of chaos is approaching,
And there will be no fight.

Oh…uh…you done?
Wanna clarify anything?
What kind of chaos?
Well, I’ll be sure to tell the world.
But first, there’s a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 marathon in a few minutes.
24 hours of nonstop riffing!
It’s gonna be great.
But of course, I will get your message out.
I’ll be on that.
End of the world. Right.


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