Im sorry you'll never understand meI'm sorry that I pretended like I was happyI'm sorry that it was too much to carryI'm sorry that it was too scary Know it's sad but I remember as a kid it was roughAlways thought we had it all, what I was missing was loveAnd always drowning in some waters that were thicker than bloodStill they wonder how the fuck I got addicted to drugs, damnBut they don't get that I'm avoiding feeling painOnly time I feel alive is when there's poison in my veinsMomma telling me to look at what I'm doing to myselfBut I just wanna be fucking happy like everybody elseThey looking down on me like I'm the fucking villainI don't wanna talk about it, I know they don't wanna listenI was only tryna make up for the feeling I was missingIf I'm only feeling pain, tell me, what's the point of livingEvery day I'm waking up and tryna deal with the stressAnd I've been acting like I'm happy when my life is a messAnd all I know is that I got this fucking pain in my chest Hey man are you ok Wes? man I don’t even know anymore my depression won’t let me rest. sometimes my anger defeats the goals to test. inside my head it’s the unwelcome guest. like my grandpa but he got shot because he was beating her downthen later in life my dad was ready to drown.he took his own life and I was 11 and the world became real. began living a life I wasn’t prepared to feel. I turned to drugs to cope and deal. it was my shield to walk in life. never realized the ruts I was causing, them another Lawson dead, it’s never pausing.   I find myself mad at being a coward like him. he never got to see us be disappointed  nor grim.I’ve felt that. maybe he did it better.he left without a reason why or even a letterhe’s been dead longer in my life than alivei triedin this life and things took a nose dive. I just pray and pray that I get the strength for another day. because maybe today I actually feel alive The only way to change me is maybe blow my brains outStuck in the middle of sick genetics cant get the pain outPray to my God everyday, but he don't listenMy brother rape my daughter while I’m passed out in the kitchenListen! I can hear her crying in the bedroomPraying that she’ll be dead soonAm I wrong for wishing I was somewhere else some one else’s room I'm 11, trying to  feed myselfCan I blame daddy because he blew his brains out and left meWish he would've hugged me but fuck him for leaving to soon So my mama dealing with it god set her free I don’t have many blessingsThough I'm stressing help me find my connection From the barrel likes it’s my infection And all my family saying wes , here we go againAin't nothing wrong besides falling on who I shoulda beenBorn in the delta ,  now much olderStraight lost you now it’s colder No matter how you try I’m that bad guy Fill my head with hate, then me let’s multiplySee me running tryin to obey orders All y’all is such a Botha , fu living like I wannaAin't no stopping at the red lights, Colorblind and fried anywaysI don’t give af about your opinions nor about your minions