The feelings return, like the sunrise

They’re back already?

They cling to my chest and my head

They drain me

They hurt me

They haunt me

They rip into my chest and my head, and then mash the mistreated pieces back together

Leaving me out of place

Making it hard to breathe or think for days

Constantly yelling my faults to me

Or screaming the self-hate of my demons

Crying for the girl that I wanted and will never be

Most days they don’t yell

Or scream

They just cry

And that hurts more than the ripping

When these moments happen

Time always stands still

I silently weep to the heavens for the suffering to stop

And I found a way how

I look

Deep inside I look

Deeply into the one place I know will stop the yelling

The screaming

The crying

Mostly, the crying

I look down the rabbit hole

And find peace in the nothing

The nothing that Florence says only last for the night

And she’s right

It only last for the night

Until the sun rises again

And resumes its deathly blows onto me

Down the Rabbit Hole

I find my temporary peace

Down the Rabbit Hole