The door closes

Sealed against me with a firm snap!

The door closes

Leaving cold, unfriendly darkness

In place of promising yellow light

Even the little keyhole

The bright little jewel set in black

And sweet reminder of the future

Is sharply ceased, cut away

Lest I should believe myself welcome here

What a fool, not to have heard the lock clicking,

Shutting me without. Oh, what a fool!

I am unwanted! and this door

Is as fiercely sealed as a wall of adamant

The snap echoes still, echoes in my heart

Like tiny, pitiful wails

In the emptiness of homeless darkness

Empty…

Soundless…

…save for the whisper of laughter

Pealed just high enough, just clear enough

To reach and lightly freeze my ears

I cannot forget

That this is my home

Which I can neither enter nor leave.

 

Shall I sit outside this door

Forever torn and tortured

Feeding my starved soul on scraps and shards

Of light?

Shall I live on delirious hope

That the door will open

And my place shall be taken

By one stepping out?

What a fool! To starve in the midst of a feast

I belong to the light! And it to me;

I carry it in my fingers

My lips, my eyes, my heart of hearts

There is no emptiness

And the snap of the door

Has no room to echo

Amidst a thousand blazing songs

Roaring through my blood

I am not silent in the dark

I have eternal space to fill

And endless melodies to release

 

I’ll tell you a secret:

The door closes

To my house – my house.

But my house is a castle

With towers and windows

Courtyards and great gates

Small passages and ivy-twined balconies

This little kitchen entrance

Has refused me forever

I’ll walk along the garden path

Perhaps slip through a window

Or climb the courtyard wall

But perhaps I’ll glide through the great gates

For all to see

Then my people – my friends – my true family

Will welcome me home joyously

Tiny doors closed

Cannot lock me out

Of my beloved home

I belong in the music.