Does It Make Me... ?

Today we formally say goodbye.
It seems like all I do.
Today I'm sick and snotty,
Scared.

Chest is tight.
Coughing takes all my energy
And my lungs. Have I mentioned my lungs?
They wheeze and struggle. They're needing some help.

I want to be there to say goodbye
She was an awesome person
So kind to me and my son.

So warm, so welcoming.
I'm excited my grandmother finally gets to meet her.
But.
Does it make me a bitch
If I'm also really happy I lost another 2 sizes?

NOTE: This is not meant as disrespectful. I care about the woman who passed away and I'm sorry I can't be there. I AM sick, and will probably end up at Urgent Care because my inhaler isn't cutting it. This was by no means meant as a form of disrespect. But as a way to talk about how even if someone passes away, you're allowed to have feelings other than straight up "grief," and "sadness."

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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