Do you ever have those nights when all you can think of are your mistakes

And how you know you are better than them

 

A night where you spend hours

Focused on every misstep and foolish utterance

Agonizing over what should have been differently

 

But in the next minute,

You think of all of the good –

Every time you’ve lent a hand,

Done something good?

 

Yeah, these nights are infrequent and far apart for me,

Typically I only remember the bad,

Or my mind is too fucked to think anything serious

But when I have these nights,

Shit they’re great.

 

They are the nights when I realize life is good,

And I don’t want to give it up any time soon

 

I hope these nights are common to you,

That you are happy, loved, and loving

But I know you might not be

I’m not

 

Still,

I do have these nights, rare as they are

Just wait until your next one –

The next time you remember how special you truly are

Because I can spend hours, days, years

Trying to convince you that you are beautiful and life is too,

But you won’t believe me until you see it for yourself

 

So please,

Just promise me that, for now,

You’ll wait until the next good night –

Maybe it will change your mind

 

And don’t ever forget –

Don’t make major decisions on an empty stomach.

Put down the blade, the pills,

And come see me, cos I’ll make you a pizza and cake for dessert,

And we will spend the night watching the stars

Or a ridiculous movie

Or just sitting, enjoying each other’s presence

Just waiting, waiting for that next perfect night.