I am depressed. I am depressed

I am D E P R E S S E D.

I wear it like a badge upon my chest that

defines me!

Some wear it as a shield and some wear it like a medal of courage

But me,
I wear it as one would wear their skin every day

It is the entirety of my being, an

honest true part of me

Some people say “No, it’s only an aspect of you, a slice of your personality!”

Really? WOW!

No. You’re wrong.

I am defined by depression, I wake up every morning and inside my head I hear the screeching tires that is my brain shout at me,

“NO, STOP! You’re not worth the effort, remember?”

I don’t want to get up, by my good old friend anxiety forces me out of bed.

“Hey idiot! You’ll fail school if you don’t get out of bed! Go Go Go!”

So yeah, that’s every morning for me, go on, continue about how it’s only a part of me.

Depression. Depression. Depression.

Some people say that if you repeat a word enough it starts to lose its meaning and no longer sounds like a real word.

Depression.

But, the longer I repeat that word. Depression. I realize that it begins to sound

Like my name.

Still don’t get it? I can tell by your eyes that you feel as if I am laying it on too thick

I get it, not everyone has to deal with this demon in their head.

Depression is waking up at 2am because that dream you just had was so horrid that you wish it was real

Depression is not wanting to move or eat or sleep or be alive, so you sit in that same chair all day hoping that your parents won’t notice if you just became nothing

Depression is knowing that you are nothing in a large world of so many somethings that you just want to die to please the idea that if you’re gone, then so will the hole that you create

Depression is standing in front of the mirror before you shower and asking yourself, “Man, I hate this life, why do I even stay when I don’t matter?”

Depression is smiling and laughing with the one you love, having them kiss your cheek and tell you that they love you, but as soon as that memory fades (which takes only seconds),

you feel alone, isolated, hated, worthless, and like death

Depression is having your parents ask you why you never smile even when you have everything in the world going for you to make you happy

and you cannot reply, but deep inside you hate yourself for even mentioning that you felt sad

and hating yourself for being alive

Because all you hear is YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY YOU UNGRATEFUL GIRL

And you feel the heat that comes with it, knowing

that they’re right and yet I feel the need to justify myself!

Depression is an emotion, just as any other everyday feeling

and I feel it constantly, it’s always sitting atop my shoulder

And yet I accept it because it IS MY FRIEND

I am not happy,

so what?

I suck the energy out of the room?
Your fault for having me

Oh, you provide me with many opportunities to be happy and smile?

Have you ever considered the fact that I cannot feel such a foreign emotion?

No? Oh, you just see me as a dark cloud who refuses to enjoy life?

Well, I’d rather be a great student with a sad face than a quote “happy” student who can’t think straight

But,

Of course

You don’t see that and I will just keep singing the same ol’ sad tune

Maybe one day you’ll see

Depression defines me, I do everything based on its patterns and tendencies

It is me and I am it,

we are a being together and that is how I live

Depression and Sydney don’t sound that unlike anymore,

Do they?