Being Demisexual is wanting a relationship but not knowing how to date

Being ace/aro is wanting to experience love but not knowing how

It's wanting the comfort of a companion, someone right by your side to hold you through the tough times, a confidant to spill your secrets to, to tell about the flower you saw while walking home today that reminded you of them

Being Demisexual is wanting a relationship but knowing that the feelings they have for you, you might never be able to reciprocate and that turns people off

Being Demisexual is people thinking that you're a special snowflake, that your identity was made for you to feel justified, that you're membership in the LGBTQ+ community is through your sga and not your ace

Aromanticism is valuing platonic love as much as romantic, friendships as much as bae, as seeing your best friends as the love of your life and having your heart repeatedly broken every day because nobody else cares as much as you do, loves as much as you do, because in this society friends are carelessly thrown away, easily replaced 

Being aroflux is craving romantic attraction but suddenly losing the capability to experience it, is wanting romantic attention but being lonely, is wanting to love a QP but seeming clingy, because the only person who understands are your fellow ace and aros but you are going this battle alone, flying solo, because in his world almost everyone is hetero

It's telling your best friend you want a girlfriend boyfriend partner datemate,  that you just want someone to love and cuddle with, to think about while you stand for thirty minutes outside in twenty degrees below zero but still feel warm inside because you're thinking about them and they ask do you like somebody and you say no

And then they tell you to go find somebody to like and they point out a cute boy here or there but they don't understand that you fall in love not because they have nice hands, a cute ass, that you like their hair or the color of their eyes

When I say love, I want a person to write poetry to about the way they make me feel, the way life makes me feel, about the crushing weight of loneliness, about the struggle for acceptance 

I want to tell them what I secretly think of every book, every artist I've ever listened to, joke around about cute people around them knowing that they'll be the only person I'm ever attracted to

They don't understand love for me would be someone who I ache every single day to hear their voice, that I would like to sit every day and listen to them talk about the most mundane things

It's being able to describe everything I'd want to do with my potential partners but still not know how to find someone, not being able to casually date, do trial and error matchmaking, but finally wanting to be somebody who's with somebody after expressing to yourself that it is okay to feel the way you do in the way you do

My ace aro status is confused about the concept of being single because it's something I've never experienced--- in my mind a friendship meant that we were together and aren't we best friends forever?

This aro flux Demi life is being hurt when your best friend doesn't tell you how their day went, scared when they don't tell you they made it home alright, and asked if you had a crush because you hug them more than normal and they bring a "sparkle" to your eye

It's calling them the loves of your life, the reason you're alive, the reason you want to live, and people thinking you're taking things too far and cutting you off because you love so much you feel so much you want so much

It's wondering how you can expend your energy on such sources, loving like a never ending deep well and still craving a romantic relationship, someone's to shoulder to rest your face in

It's being confused AF sometimes,

Because what the hell is love?