Dear mother and father, 

There will come a day where I can no longer bare the sins and tragities of life on my own

A day where my legs will buckle 

and my arms will strain to push me up from the cold hard floor

a day where I will be most vulnerable 

yet strong

and I will look up at you on the day

and stare into your eyes

and for the first time in a long time

you will see my true face

you will see how broken and damaged I truely am

how weak and afraid

and you will wonder...why?

the answer you search for has been there the whole time

and it lies in the word FINE

F for failure 

I for insecurity

N for negativity

and E for emotion

For a long time I thought I was a failure 

and who wouldn't when they were born a mistake

so I've always tried to impress you

but for every step forward there where two steps back

lying and cheating and such

that lead to small instances where you'd call me useless

but it never bothered me much because I felt that way anyways

Soon I became insecure

and I stoped letting you into my life

i feared what you would think of me 

if you found I was angry 

and the smile I wore was a mask 

i feared that you would hate me

as I had no love to give myself

and when you tell me you love me

i wonder...how can this be true?

when the love you've given me

ive returned with twisted truth

and so I became negative

hating the world

but myself even more

and I know it was all my fault

that I'm in this constant war

between demon and angel

the noble of thief

and in my heart I wanted things

but my brain said otherwise

my hear the Demond for wanting its greed

my Brian the angel for thinking of others and their needs

As well as the noble for thinking and planning for peace

my heart the thief for sneakily implanting bad deeds

and stealing my brains hopes for simple peace

That leds me to emotion

and emotionally distressed

emotionally torn 

screaming, crying, yelling

alone in a storm

and this led to bleeding lines

in my mind

that reminds me of all my crimes

and in my mind 

i have no control of my prison cell

so I stay up at night

becoming a master of cry

as strategically avoid praying eyes

and I've grown used to the cornor wall

and the bathroom floor

where I do most of my biding  when I can't hold it anymore

but I come out with a smile

as if nothing was wrong

and I make you believe 

I am

F

      I

            N

                    E.

There will come a day

where I can no longer bare the sins and tragedies of life on my own 

and if your reading this now

that day has come

so I need you now

more than ever befor 

to lift me off this cold hard floor

and I'm tired of crying 

and blaming myself

I need you in my life

I want to be happy

and emotionally okay

so teach me

not right from wrong

let me learn form my own mistakes

dont hold me in a prison cage

let me experience love

when I feel it fit

and if I wrong

at least I won't be left with "what ifs"

So dear mother and father 

today is the day

when I finally reply

no, I'm not fine.