Dear mama,

There’s something to say,

Please don’t hate me,

Or give me your rage,

Please do know,

I love you either way,

But for many days,

You’ve made me feel this way;

My mind is foggy with every thought,

Burning with rage, confusion and such,

The normal is not normal that much I’ve found,

I shouldn’t have to do as much around,

I didn’t ask for this, to be grown up before ten,

To raise two kids I couldn’t even win,

I shouldn’t have been the bad guy to them,

To raise them up right while you had the wins,

I shouldn’t have hid and cried to sleep,

Taking a few pills just so I wouldn’t eat,

Drawing some pictures with sharper blades,

Wishing and praying the pain away,

Begging for you to just hear what I say,

I thought if I just stayed away,

Maybe your problems would go away,

No matter where or what I did, 

I always seemed to bother you,

Cause you trouble for your head,

I tried and I tried,

I promise I did,

I worked and I pushed to show you I am,

I am a good person, I am strong and wise,

But no matter the time, I failed you again

I told you the truth, and kept my pain hid,

Trying not to bother you with my hidden demons,

I let them eat and feed off my soul,

Devouring everything so dear that I held,

I hid all my problems, my issues and more,

To try and protect you from all that I endure,

I couldn’t do it the pain was too much,

I took too many pills and hoped it was enough,

I cried myself to sleep for the last,

But woke up not even after hours passed,

I layed on the floor suffering alone,

My only thought was why weren’t you home?,

I just wanted someone to stand,

Hold me close while my breath become bland,

I cried and I screamed,

Hoping you’d hear,

But I was alone the whole time,

Alone and scared,

I just wished you were there,

So dear mama as you read my words,

Don’t blame yourself for all my hurt,

I don’t write to make you feel low,

Just hoping now that you’ll know,

I don’t wish to run, hide or fight,

Just to escape and find the light,

To runaway from the nagging thoughts,

That I’ll never add up or be enough,

Maybe you’re right,

I’m a brat and wrong,

Maybe I am fucked up and dumb,

But with the words you burned into me,

I always love you and wish you would me,

Dear mama please don’t curse,

Please don’t bring upon me more hurt,

Please don’t remind me of all I did wrong,

Dear mama I love you,

But this time I’m done.