Dear Eric, 

The rumors you spread weren’t true.

All I can say is sorry.

It wasn’t suppose to mean anything.

Just a small a crush you weren’t meant to find out.

Please forgive me.

You were so wonderful.

Don’t be mad I fell for your smile.

It made my heart beat erratically. 

The color of your eyes were a unique storm.

I never wanted to look away and my mistake was that I didn’t.

You were more than a masterpiece and I wanted to take all of you in. 

But I see now I was just a nuisance.

You tried being polite at first. 

A friendly hello and a wave of friendship. 

It produced excitement within me.

I wasn’t invisible to you. 

I was noticed and the attention went to my head.

Did you like me or was I a friend?

It took me awhile to figure it out.

I wasn’t anything. 

Nothing. 

Just a problem you were trying to keep neutral.

I’m sorry I didn’t catch on sooner.

You never spoke out.

Maybe to keep me from the shame of it.

But your eyes glowed every thought that crossed your mind. 

I realized too late.

There were feelings,

But none were the ones I hoped for.

You hated me.

I wasn’t mad or even surprised. 

Just disappointment in myself for thinking I had any chance.

After that you made it clear how little I meant to you. 

I was treated like I wasn’t in the room. 

You started ignoring me.

Giving me the cold shoulder. 

Then that’s when the lies started. 

I was behind you when you said it for the first time.

It was funny to you.

Watching me from the corner of your eye. 

We were in class so I couldn’t do anything.

My ability was to sit and act like I didn’t hear any of it.

But you knew.

I did hear and it made you snigger. 

At that point I felt things couldn’t get worse. 

I was wrong.

The jokes and embarrassing glares leaked out into the rest of the school population.

And you were smart.

Blamed others for the rumors.

You acted coy and played the victim.

Strangers and multitudes of your friends accused me.

Nothing anyone incriminated me for was true.

You knew it though. 

I told you,

But you didn’t care to listen.

Hurting me made you happy.

I felt helpless and small

But even after all that I still wasn’t mad at you.

I felt anger at myself for hoping you’d like me.

In every way possible you were better.

I loved the person you were made to be.

Unlike the other boys you were kind. 

You let your insecurities show.

You weren’t prefect but you tried to be, 

Why couldn’t someone as good as you want someone like me?

Back then I didn’t see it. 

But I understand it now.

We’re too different for you to accept it.

I was lying to myself.

How could I think I had a chance?

Thank you I should say.

For showing me the truth between us.

I’m not the girl for you.

You’re the guy I still care deeply for,

But I won’t have. 

We won’t ever see eye-to-eye.

You have other plans that never included me.

But that’s okay.

I forgave you the moment the words fell from your mouth. 

I just hope you can forgive me,

For falling in love with you. 

It was a secret I never wanted you to hear.

And even after all that time,

I’m still in love with you. 

 

Sincerely from the hopeless in love,

 

Carissa