Dear body,

I hate you

I know mamma taught me to love you...but I don’t

Always trying to rid of you

To make you thinner

Guess my personality don’t compliment my figure

The world doesn’t compliment my figure

But I don’t know how to take compliments  

So you are ugly

Body

Can’t even stand being these jeans

These shoes

Can’t stand having such dry skin

Couldn’t even pronounce eczema as a kid

Attempting to swallow words that will never hurt me

UGLY

FAT

BLACK

But I’d be fine being black if only I were thin

If only I’d fit on the cover of a magazine

And I know I need to get out of this mindset but damn

It’s hard when I see Hate tattooed onto my skin

Disappointment as a belt around my hips

Ugly engraved in my face

I always have to put rings on my pinkies

I’m worried a 14 karat gold will never fit me...and so...I’ll never get one

Always have to stretch out shoes before they go on my feet

I’m worried I won’t fit the little glass slipper of society

There...is no fairy godmother to conjure up perfection

Always had to find fairy godmother alternatives

And I remember I wanted to be like my sister...bulimic

And I remember when I hadn’t eaten for a whole day

Caught myself “fasting”

Silencing my insecurities

Binging on words that will never hurt me

SEXY

LOVE

BEAUTY

And everyone wants me to believe I am beautiful

I just can’t

I’m indoctrinated with the idea that beauty has this long manageable hair

These hips that just don’t lie

That body that works every outfit it gets in

This face that is truly flawless

Or...just less flawed than I am

Beauty is not me

This body be my worst enemy

And when girls with boyfriends told me I was beautiful...

I asked them if the felt beautiful before they had someone to prove it them

Each one took too long to answer

So no matter how much they told me I was beautiful

I still degraded me

Cause I consumed the world like red bull

But there is no drink to boost confidence so…

I just ignore the haters

Even though the only one is me

 

Dear body,

Perfect me

A size 8 waist

A size 6 shoe

Lips that are worthy of ar-tic-u-la-tion

Hair...that is manageable, combable

Skin that isn’t compared to the color of mud

 

Dear body,

Just make me right

                                    Sincerely,

Me