January 23, 2014 - 12:23 am

you know
I'll never quite understand
why you're being taken away from me
I'll never quite understand
what all this medical stuff means
and I'll never quite understand
why you loved me so
and quite honestly since I know it was real love
I'll be ohkay if I never know
but my biggest question of all
is why couldn't it be me
why couldn't I take on your pain & suffering
to see you this weak
I know that you're not able
to fight your very best
and that really has me down
I mean I'm experiencing withdrawals
and everytime I have to speak
or even think of your sweet face
I feel a wad of tears crawl down at the slowest pace
my throat gets all tight
so tight that my words can't escape
and my hands begin to tremble
I mean badly
like an old person's palsy shake
and when I try not to cry
I never reach success
I kinda just give in to the burning nostrils
the numbest that has consumed my body
and the tightness in my chest

January 27th
around 7:43
my mom came into my room
and what she did wasn't a part of our normal "wake up Pooda" routine
she gently rubbed my left shoulder
until my eyes were bright and wide
and before she could say a mumbling word
my heart shattered in five

if you meant this to me
I'm sure you meant this to dozens more
you invited a lot of kids into your home
and into them you would pour
love
respect
manners
morals
and
values
just to name a few
and this you will continue from your new bird's eye view
you've always been my angel here on earth
but you just went up to God to collect your wings
I'm proud of you
you deserved them more than any other earthly being

Linden Ave will never be the same
and how will the house ever keep sane
and holidays without you in the kitchen
or all of our uncompleted missions
all of our secrets
and our midnight snacks
our favorite tv shows
all the excitement would happen in your room which was way in the back
Pepsi floats
hamburger helper
and me sneaking pieces of bread whenever you weren't looking

the sweet to my sour
the better to my worse
Cliffer Belle Simmons
you were the joy of my world
rest on queen
you've won the fight
we'll be good down here
we'll be alright
I love you