Dear 17

Dear 17,
be gentle with me
actually, scratch that
bring on all the craziness and intensity
i'm ready to spend nights curled up on the floor crying
kicking and screaming at the notion that life isn't fair
i want to spend hours and hours
listening to sad music
trying to find someone who feels the same pain as me
i want to get so frustrated at everyone and everything
that my papers become shredded pieces of confetti decorating my floor
i want to stay up until three am just feeling
feeling the hurt and the pain
i want all of this
i want all of this
because if there's anything 16 taught me
it's that there is beauty in suffering
don't get me wrong
i don't buy into the whole lonely depressed artist thing
i don't think that one has to be miserable to create meaningful things
i don't believe in self destruction
what i do believe is
that when we feel hurt
we learn to appreciate what it feels like
to have the warm glow of the sun on your skin
and to see the trees brush one another in the wind
we appreciate the beauty because these too have struggled
the sun endeared a lonely night
it sat waiting while half the earth was more focused on the moon
and then it waited its turn to shine
and because it suffered through the night
it outshines all celestial bodies in the day
you see, it goes through the darkest of times
and yet the entire universe revolves around it
the trees, tall and mighty, were once battered and torn
they started off as measly seedlings
and they stared up to the trees around them
admiring their grace
they grew slowly and with each day came suffering
they endured bitter cold and devastating storms
all while they were just a few inches tall
but this is what made them strong
in the same way, dear seventeen, make me
leave me bruised and lonely so that i may be strong
take everything from me so that i may be strong
show me pain so that i may be strong
sixteen hurt me in many ways
but it has made me so much more
seventeen, hurt me harder
and make me better still

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