To my Father,

All those years when you were away,
Sleepin' and flingin' with anything that said hey, I'd lay in bed sleepless but tearful. Thinkin' of all the mouthfuls I had to say to you, but when we came face to face on those rare occasions I was speechless.

Even during my most happiest moments there'd still be that dull ache 'cause I was like, wow, you can't even be here for my name sake.

When people would ask where you were, I'd tell them that you were some unknown sir. That you being vacant in my life or my mother being taken as another's wife never effected me.

Ha! If only I could convince myself of that as well. Maybe thoughts of you wouldn't dwell in my mind which always led to that swell in my heart.

Mom would always say when I was younger that if you were gonna be any benefit to me then God would've made it be. And I always wondered why. Why wouldn't He make it be just for me?

As I grew older I stopped questioning God's decision. And you became an execration in my eyes. Sometimes I'd even wish for your demise.

I'd wish that I could undue my mother's life and remove you from the picture. She told me that there are certain strictures in our religion. That I must forget about my stubborn decision.

You are my father. Your blood runs rapidly through my veins, but the constant pains you have caused me are sometimes unbearable. Every time I look into the mirror I see your eyes and I begin to hear all of the past lies you would tell me.

As I am writing this letter I have gone through years worth of emotions all over again... but now I am left with a mundane feeling. Like we- no, I, have wasted years and years worth of time. You had tried and tried, but I pushed you aside making you pay for your crime.

But now I've forgiven you and the love I once felt is beginning to break through...

From your daughter.