Dates
I know who I am
And I know who I’m becoming
Someone unafraid
Unafraid of what people think
Unafraid of the actions I do
Just unafraid
Yet I’m still terrified
Terrified of who I used to be
And terrified of my future
Not of what I do in the future
Just who I become in the future
Will I suddenly suck on a microphone
Just to get my voice to be heard
Will I start flapping my hand
Just to get my visions out
Will I just lay on the river
Without a care in the world
Maybe
But it’s because of that very fact that I’m terrified
Because I don’t know what my future holds
I’m a human
I like a list
I like my things charted on a calendar
So hey future if you can give me the dates
That would be great
The dates of the important things
Do I find love?
Do I find a job?
Do I live long?
Just write my life down for me
That would be great
But I know you won’t
That’s why people only plan two years in the future
Because our future is unwritten
Our future is a math equation
With infinite solutions
That’s why we can’t solve life
Because life is the biggest math problem in the world
I’m afraid
Afraid to find out I’m not good enough
I’m afraid to share myself with the world just to be shot down
Shot into a million pieces
That no one will ever pick up
And piece back together
Scared that the pieces will drift
They’ll fall through every crack of the earth
Ever small incision they can find.
I am petrified of not being able to escape those cracks
To slither out of them cracks
But mostly I’m afraid that no one will help me out
Because in that point of my life I want to know if someone will be there
There to help me when I fall
Catch all of my tears
I want to know that someone will give up their lives
Just to help me
Because that’s what I need
I’m afraid of my future
But I’m not afraid of what’s going to get me there
I just hope there will be someone there
At the end of the finish line
Waiting
To give me water
To give me a towel
And say
You did it
Then I know
I won’t be afraid