September 9, 2010

Right now I can only find the time to express my truly feelings on paper. I right to you because I have no other choice. The world is closing in on itself. There is so much devastation everywhere. People are dying by countless diseases. Men killing each other for petty reasons. Thoughts cross my mind of how this world used to be without chaos. Now it turned itself in to the Devil and his cunning schemes. The world has gone too far. Times have changed; back then God was in the picture, in the government and nailed in the families hearts. Satan has fought so hard to take God out of our minds, soul, and body. With many he has succeeded; and with few he is able to turn their hearts away from the only One who keeps them alive. Jesus Christ. The only One who can heal them of their sicknesses and suffering. The only One who calms the storms. My heart right now is in debate. I know he has a purpose for me. Actually, I know He does. I just wish that I knew what it was. Everyone has a purpose in life, we just have to conquer what the enemy throws at us to see the reality, quality and joy in our purpose.
What do you do when your conscience tells you something to relieve you and the next day it’s starts to break you into pieces one brain cell then the next. You don’t know if your conscience is the Holy Spirit or it’s just saying something that gives you a yes you can go on or no your doomed. You know Satan plays a big role too. He can speak to you give you negative thoughts. But what if you prayed and it doesn’t go away your involuntary thought? Could it be that it’s true what it’s saying or your under a lot of stress. I’m not a psychologist or anything in that nature but whatever it may be your conscience is one thing I’ll never understand.
My conscience plays tricks on me of course sometimes I don’t listen but then it’s just right there banging you. Gives you quite a headache not even the asprin can take it away. Like this morning I just woke up when the sky was dark blue before probably sunrise with this heavy burden I still carry right now with me. It’s weighing me down. Not letting me sleep. That’s why I am writing to you today. This morning felt like a bit of hell and all throughout the day it’s been bothering me. I won’t tell you what it is but just know I couldn’t sleep after that. I love God and I feel like I will go away without giving something to the world from God. I don’t want to go to sleep. Not now at least. I want to finish writing.
I did worship this morning, I prayed, I cried in the inside. I pounded my fist; but no one heard me. I got angry at myself for putting God aside even though I do my personal worship and try my best to follow his footsteps. Then what’s getting to me. I do worship watch tv; but I spend more time doing something else than for God? I want to change. Tomarrow may be a starting point for a new life in Christ. He can refine me like gold and I will be made in his image and be like him for the rest of my life here on this wicked earth.
Peace will never be found until I feel the strong marked hands of my blessed Saviour when the time is ready to take me home. I entitled my book “Please don’t let me Go!” because of one thing only. Christ.