A shimmering haze

shrouds my view, sending my world into a poorly lit kaleidoscope of grays.

 

The haze is of my own fabrication.

It’s a safety net, designed to distance myself from matters that to others would mildly disappoint, but to me would unravel. So everything was caught outside my net, and couldn’t hurt me later.

 

And I thought that was fine.

 

Until I met you.

 

You passed through the net without any effort at all

and took my gray world and plunged if into light,

filling my dreary color book with a palette of glitter.

 

The glitter, while colorless, dazzled me like nothing I’d ever seen.

 

I loved a boy!

I was loved by a boy!

The emotion that had been dormant

-supposedly indefinitely-

grew a thousand times in the time it was absent.

 

Never had I loved anyone so perfect.

Every “bad aspect” told about you evaporated as soon as it was spilled.

Still, I would ask you

But you’d dismiss it and give me a bit more *sparkle*

And I was fine with that!

 

My phone created a world for me where someone understood. Where someone needed me as I needed them. And nothing could ever glow so bright.

 

One night I was caught in between my world’s eternal conflict:

My life and my love

Family, friends, school… and you

You, so far away

Unable to assure me over the phone like so many times.

I was caught,

when suddenly my safety net

let me fall.

 

Your light turned off.

And the glitter you gave in abundance ceased to blind me.

 

My fall, while expected,

devastated me

Shattered me into pieces…

So irrevocably, So inconceivably,

That my gray world fell black

And I drowned.

 

Your shiny words were now as black as my world, and I now realized my blindness, but your light had made it sparkle and I thought….

thought that was your love.

 

But they were just words.

 

Words so convincing…

But just lies.

I love you

I understand you

They don’t.

 

You destroyed my real relationships through blinding light

Ate at the important parts of me,

dissolving it into useless piles of rust.

 

And I may be broken,

pieces of black shards,

but at least I know you

You can never give real love.

Only glitter and rust.