Class Clown

Tue, 10/06/2015 - 17:21 -- T_C

I think I made a mistake
It's not that I meant to be mean
It's just that I wanted the tension to break
It was just one little mannerism not meant to be seen
She gave me this look
That seemed to hit me though my armor in the chink
I didn't know what she meant - She wasn't an open book
But she pointed to a boy and said "What do you think?"

I got it fast and quick
She thought I was harsh and poking fun at her friend
But in my mind I felt it click
They were going together to the end
But then I felt ill
She thought that I'd play with something like that?
When the point of a finger makes the difference between break or kill

No, I thought, no - This is really how I think
Sometimes the teacher's eyes raze the room
And there's a moment that you'll miss if you blink
It's his face - It's like he thinks he's going to his doom
I think he looks scared and a little green
But when the teacher calls him
It's like it wasn't there, wasn't seen
And when he answers, half the class laughs while the other thinks him dim

I know he's not dumb
I know he's quite smart
To be honest, the rest of the class can't add a sum
But this boy has that spark in his eye - anyone can see he's a work of art
It's just a moment of fear
I think that is holding him back
I wonder sometimes if he's given up on a future career
And yet there's nothing he could lack

He tries to be funny - the jokester, laughing stock
I think that's his trick
He makes them think he's dumb as a block
That way there's no sign we can look at him and make stick
He's afraid to try
Because his answer - well thought out and good - might not be enough
He'll say it's okay if that's true, but it'll be a lie
Since that means that he's not made of good or smart stuff

I want to say I see how he hides
But when his friend eyes me, all her hackles raised
I know I'll look back and see how I lied
My eyes immediately lowered and my cheeks blazed
I should have said he was magnificent
I should have said he needed to stand up and show everyone his brilliance
But I was much too afraid and I knew he wanted me ignorant
Any bravery I had made a disappearance

I said nothing
And he relaxed
But my mind was rushing
Would someone seeing him be seen as attacks?
Sometimes I stare across the room at the class clown
And I visualize that moment where I could have done something so he knew he was smart
But in the end I say nothing, and he gets to keep his crown
He plays a fool, but I know what's in his heart

He thinks he's stupid, he thinks he's wrong
And he wears that label, that crown I want to take
I want to show him what he is, how strong
But I was the one who failed because I said nothing - I made a mistake

This poem is about: 
Me
My community

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