I'm sitting here at war with myself.

Part of me is wondering what I bother for.

The other part is begging to heal.

But I can't determine which is real,

Or which entity I feed.

I know what thoughts I should buy into,

But despite that, for some reason,

I seem to choose to dive into the abyss.

Why am I so comfortable being miserable?

Why do I choose to give up what little power I have?

They say happiness is a choice.

They say happiness is the object of life.

I claim that I've been searching for meaning,

Trying to find the object of life;

But if happiness is the object,

And happiness is a choice,

Why do I continue to choose to suffer?

Jarred Shah

7/8/2020

1:53pm